Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Houston, we have a squirter
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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