dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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