so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
