mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
