I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
