Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
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Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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