Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
