I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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