I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
