I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
