Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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