Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
