Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
