You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
