I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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