arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
bring money and cleavage
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
