so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
