How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
