I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
