Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
