There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
