you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
