I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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