too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
