no you cant smoke seaweed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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