Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
