I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
In America we eat man semen.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
