Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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