Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
