She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
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i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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