I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
