She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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