For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
