So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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