I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I supernannyed him into submission
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
