That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize