I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
