just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
