but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
