Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
