We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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