when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
