i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
