Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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