I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
