Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
