she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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