This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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