I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
