Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
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I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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