we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
