Will you blow on my dice?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
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I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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