guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
