i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
