you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
