She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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