You just made me feel so damn special
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
