he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
