Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
