I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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