He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
