New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
