i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
