I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
