I want to have your abortion
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
