i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
