Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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