and she was petting her beer can
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
