So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
