When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
