i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
