dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
