You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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