Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
