If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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