Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just gift wrapped bread.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
