we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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