The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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