the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
