It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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