Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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