i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
