I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
