tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
